i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
