I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
