Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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