I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
