The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
