I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
