I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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