how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
