Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
