careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We have started to decorate penises.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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