you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
