Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I came so hard my ears popped.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
