tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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