Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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