D3 body, D1 cock
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Duck Duck Cougar?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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