Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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