As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
