So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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