Umm I'm too high to move.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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