Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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