Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
