I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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