i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
