Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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