Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just saw a hot homeless man
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
