we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
