South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
