how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
