he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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