I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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