I think my vagina is haunted
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
