it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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