Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
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