Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
