I'm really into asian looking animals
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
