his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
is it fun? or sober?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
