it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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