2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
dude. I can hear the air.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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