If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
