Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
