My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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