I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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