Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
