And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
