At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
