wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
