Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
