last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
