My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
