sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
