ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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