I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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