is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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