True but thats because hes a fetus.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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